Bribes, Lies and Ice Cream

When my family goes on vacation we have to lie to our three year old as to where we’re going.  Well, lie isn’t really the best word.  We just withhold some truth from her for as long as we can.  We truth withhold.  Eh, that’s too much of a mouthful.  Ok, ok.  We lie.  We do this because she doesn’t understand the concept of Later.  Eventually.  Soon.  You tell her you’re taking her to the beach, she expects a sandcastle in 5.  And will be a nightmare from there on out when you explain to her the beach won’t actually be visible for 5 more hours.  So when we begin the drive, she asks (always asks),

“Where we going?”  

And we just start making up stuff.

Sometimes it’s,

“Oh, we’re just gonna drive around and look at some trees for awhile.” 

That she understands.  We play the ‘look at the tree’ game for a few minutes til that gets old and she asks again.  So what we’ve started doing is telling her we’re going to different scenic places we know we’ll pass along the drive.  So for the entire trip my daughter is convinced, and perfectly satisfied with the fact that we are going to ‘the coffee store’, ‘the bagel store’, ‘the gas station’, ‘McDonalds’, ‘the road with all the signs’, ‘the other gas station’, ‘to look at those cows’, etc.  It works every time.  Well, that and the fact that I bribe both my children with DVD’s, junk food and Dollar Store wrapped presents every time they get restless.

Lying and bribery.  It is what sets our parenting skills apart from the animals. It is how you get things done, my friend.  Any parent who says they don’t lie to or bribe their kids is a big fat liar.  Bribery is the only way I potty-trained my son (is there any other way?!).  He would still be in diapers were it not for matchbox cars and gummy bears.  Lying is the only way I’m able to get through a long run pushing my daughter in the stroller.

‘Oh honey, the playground is closed today.’

“Mommy, where we going?”  

“To count the squirrels.”

But let’s think about this for a second.  What’s so wrong with withholding some truth or rewarding a child?  That’s the positive way to look at this.  Lying and Bribery sounds awful.  That sounds negative.  But doing whatever you can, as a parent, to get through your day with your child staying happy is kinda what it’s all about.  At the root of it all, isn’t that the short term parenting goal?  Getting,  Through.  The.  Day.  As long as your child is treated with love and kindness, what’s the problem?  You go to work everyday.  Why?  To get paid.  What is payment?  A reward.  A bribe.  Hey, if you come here and sit at this desk for 8 hours, then I will give you this money!!!  That’s a bribe.  Hey, I’ll give you this water and this electricity, but only if you give me money.  Bribe.  When you and your family are eating dinner and you hear the (damn) ice cream truck drive by and they ask if they can have some, your reply is never,

‘Sure!  Let me just toss all this food I spent time making for you all and let’s all go outside and get some ice cream from the stupid man who drives around at 6:15 on a Tuesday evening!’

No.  It’s something along the lines of,

‘Oh honey, you know what?  The ice cream truck plays their music to let everyone know they’re out of ice cream.  I’m sorry‘.


See?  Without lying, you’d be out of shape and your kids would be eating ice cream for dinner. And without bribery, nobody would have any running water and we’d all be broke, living in diapers.


Speaking of lies…when my kids want ice cream and there’s no stupid truck in sight… or I’d just rather them have something healthy, I make this ‘ice cream’ for them and totally and bluntly lie to them about what it’s made of.  

*Just Bananas Ice Cream

Follow this link to my recipe…made almost entirely out of frozen bananas!!!!

And check these other ‘ice cream’ recipes out while you’re at it!!-

*Minty Lime Avocado Ice Cream

*Vanilla Chèvre Ice Cream

*Summer Strawberry Ice Cream

*Mascarpone Semifreddo (to go with an incredible Chocolate Croissant Pudding)

*Cream Cheese Semifreddo (to go with an equally incredible Carrot SpoonCake)

*Ice Cream Pie (which contains no actual ice cream…)


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